Darkness: my better half

I read somewhere that if you live in the state of solemnness all your life, you would need to depend on great companionship to come closer to yourself—to grow. A traveler in the desert will find peace to see greenery and abundance of nature; it doesn’t matter if he really finds it or just imagines it. Peace will come. And for those who have lived in the lap of nature, they would not like to dream of greenery anymore.

I agree for it to be true as I can relate to the latter. Raised in a joint family, I was loved by all (major credit goes to being the youngest); I was blessed with umpteen, good friends; I faced no major restrictions be it monitory or mental; I was given the authority to choose a candy from the store or a career out of my average qualification. Life has always been smooth. But when I shut my eyes, I see darkness: poverty, abandonment, sacrifice and death. They suck me in; I see them coming.

I have been preparing inside, crying since I was eight. But I’m still not ready. I don’t see how it will make me grow but how it does help, is by making me aware of the life that could be. It has never let me become greedy for happiness; I do long for a life full of it, though. It has kept me vulnerable and emotional to the situations I have never come across.

I have also heard people say that a day full of laughter is followed by another full of tears. And I have found myself burst out the next week/month (if not the very next day) of a zestfully happy one.

I wonder if it is helping me out at all.